I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
