Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
