Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
