Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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