I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
