I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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