This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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