Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
