frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
