He kissed a someone with a penis
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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