I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
