I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
