i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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