The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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