i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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