i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize