a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
