Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
