Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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