i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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