you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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