it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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