So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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