Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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