my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
