White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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