So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
