Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
