the day after is always just damage control
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
