Don't make out with my wife yet
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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