dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
