He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize