I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
