NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
