After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
