Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
don't judge my taste in strippers
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
