I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
