I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
