I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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