these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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