i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
