life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
thus making me awesome and them whores
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
