all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
