his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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