Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Sorry about my life...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
