Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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