textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
