his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
