How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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