Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
