Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
