No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
