4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
