lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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