dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
