Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
