it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
