Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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