it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
