I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
