I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
