I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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