His hands were made for my vagina.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
