I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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