It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
