shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
