I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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