Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
