ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
