everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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