Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
