When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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