I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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