Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
