I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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