My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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