dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Will exercising make me less horny?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
