And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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