i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
