false alarm. still invincible.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
