This is not my ceiling
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
