oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
