Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
