Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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