He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize