i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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