my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
