Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
