i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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