Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
