While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
