Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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